Baby's First Words - Part 2

Be silly. Games like "so big" or peekaboo reinforce listening, turn-taking, and imitation  -- prerequisites for conversation.

Sing. Babies naturally love music, and singing is a great way to introduce a range of sounds.

Babble back. When your baby says "goo goo," say something similar in return, like "Hey, boo boo, how are you?" The play on sounds makes language fun. Before you babble on, pause to let her "talk" so she gets a feel for the rhythm of real conversation.

First words

Your child will probably say his first word right around his first birthday (what a nice present for Mom!). Most early words are repeated: You say "spaghetti" and she says "geddy." By 16 months, she'll be able to say a handful of words  -- an average of 50 for girls and 30 for boys. (Boys tend to develop speech about a month or two later.)

This is the age range when most kids' progress varies most widely. To help yours enjoy chattering:

Read between the lines. When you're looking at books together, talk about what's on the page (point out the mouse on each page of Goodnight Moon, for instance).

Provide plenty of narrative at playtime. If he's having fun with his toy farm, for instance, say, "Gus is holding the cow. 'Moo,' says the cow," And so on. Help him put words to objects and verbs to actions.

Don't anticipate every desire. Try not to rush to refill his sippy cup when it's getting low  -- let him tell you first.

Make like a monkey. Or a cow or a kitty. Animal sounds are some of the simplest for little talkers to form because they don't have a lot of consonants.

First sentences

Your toddler will likely start using short sentences now, like "More juice" or "Want ball." Encourage her by:

Prompting. When you're looking at a book together, ask her to describe what's going on in the pictures, which will reinforce her vocabulary. But don't do it to the point of frustration. If your toddler finds quizzing annoying, she may just clam up.

Kicking it up a notch. Repeat her simple sentences in more complicated ways. If she says "Doggy bark," for instance, reply, "Yes, the doggy is barking."

Build your child's vocabulary

By age 2, your child can start to follow increasingly complex sentences and use more pronouns, adjectives, and prepositions. Now's when the two of you can have the real conversations you've been waiting for. Tips for inviting more talk:

Avoid correcting him... Instead, repeat what he just told you in the proper form. If he says, "Daddy goed to work," you can say, "Yes, you're right. Daddy went to work."

...but get him to correct you. Hold up his pants and say, "Let's put on your hat!" Kids love it when you make a silly mistake.

Give him some room. Try not to finish his sentences, and pause after you ask him a question. It may take him a little while to think through what he wants to say.

Get him to tell you stories. Ask him about that trip to the zoo  -- what he saw, what he liked most. Don't expect too much; stories for little kids can be as simple as "I saw a lion."

When to get help

About one in four children is a late talker  -- and fewer than half of those kids will require therapy to get them on track. The best time to get professional help is when your child is around 2 1/2  -- the age when late bloomers usually catch up, says Leslie Rescorla, Ph.D., director of the Child Study Institute at Bryn Mawr College.

Signs that your child may be delayed include:

    She's still speaking in single syllables or drops final consonants.
    She doesn't use two-word sentences or ask questions.
    She melts down frequently because you don't understand her.

Let your instincts guide you, and consult your doctor, who can refer you to a specialist if necessary.

Summary

Your baby's first word is an exciting milestone, and one that you're probably anxiously waiting for. Keep in mind, though, that every child develops at his own rate, and whether your child is an early talker or a late one seldom has an impact on his later communication skills. Talk, sing, read, and play silly games with him. The more you communicate  -- from birth on up  -- the more language he'll learn.

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Baby's First Words

Overview

When will your baby's cooing turn into his first word? And will it be "Mama"? Well, we can't answer the second question (though our guess is yes!), but generally babies utter their first words at 11 to 14 months, when the tongue and lips gain dexterity and the brain starts to match up objects with names. Of course, every child reaches this milestone at his own pace, but there are things you can do  -- from birth onward  -- to encourage him to talk.

How your baby communicates with you
At birth: From the very start, your baby is learning the power of communication: He cries, you make him feel better. Your response to his noise-making lays the foundation for language.

At 2 months old: Your baby can respond to your cues. So when you say sweet nothings while looking into his eyes, he can gaze back and coo in return. He's making a connection between what he hears and what he does with his mouth. And the high-pitched, singsong way you probably speak (experts call it "motherese") keeps your baby riveted so he can start to decipher sentences and words.

At 6 to 8 months old: Get ready for all the adorable babbling! Your baby makes vowel sounds now, and will add consonants, too. Within months he may imitate the sounds he hears when you speak.

Encouraging baby talk
Give everything a name. At bathtime, for instance, say, "This is the shampoo," as you reach for it. Your baby will build her vocabulary.

Read together. At first she won't understand what you're saying, but you'll stimulate her senses and build a lifelong love of books.  

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11 Important Baby Cues - Part 3

 Startle reflex
Loud noises, bright lights, or a head bobble can trigger the startle reflex -- babies jerk, spread out their arms and legs, then quickly pull them back in and cry. The startle reflex is present at birth, but fades between three and six months.

What to do: Although startling doesn't hurt the baby, it can feel scary and set off a crying fit. To recreate the security of the womb, where sound and light were muffled, try swaddling your baby with a lightweight receiving blanket. (This technique is best for younger babies. By four months, most babies can squirm out of a swaddle, Saysana notes -- after six months, swaddling can lead to hip problems.) For instructions on how to swaddle your baby, visit babytalk.com.

CRY BABY
Crying is the quickest way for your baby to let you know she's tired, hungry, in pain -- or just plain fussy. But which cry is which? "At birth, all the cries sound pretty much the same," says Bahr. "Newborn babies cry when they inhale and exhale; they don't have much respiratory control." Start listening for variations around one month, explains Bahr -- as your baby matures, you'll be able to figure out what she wants from the cry she makes. Here are the biggies:

Hungry cry
A baby will generally wake up hungry and crying for food. "It's a short, low-pitched cry, just over a second in duration," says Bahr. If you don't respond quickly, the cry becomes louder and more intense.
What to do: Respond to your baby as quickly as possible, especially in the first few months of life. You're not going to spoil your baby by picking him up and feeding him right away. Tending to your baby's hunger immediately teaches him that you'll always be there to care for his needs.

 Pain cry
A cry of pain comes on much more suddenly than a hunger cry. It's about twice as long, and continuous- that is, it doesn't rise and fall in pitch.

What to do: Go through a mental checklist when trying to comfort your baby. Could she have a wet or soiled diaper? Could she be too cold -- or too warm? (A baby waking up in a car seat, for instance, is often overheated.) Look your baby over from head to toe. Sometimes a piece of clothing or edge of a diaper is pinching her skin.

Tired cry
Between two and three months, your baby's cries will become more varied, and he may develop a cranky, "tired" cry. "It may be a softer variation of his distress cry, says Bahr. (Don't forget to use common sense in deciphering cries: If your baby's been awake for a couple hours, it's more than likely you're hearing a sleepy cry.)

What to do: Try rocking in a chair or on your feet, swaying from side to side, gently stroking his head or chest, or softly singing. You'll quickly find out what works best to quiet your baby.

Cooing, babbling and laughing
Babies "talk" between two and three months, says Bahr. "They start to match the pitch and variation of the parent's tone." By four to six months, babies experiment even more with their voices; they babble, putting consonant and vowel sounds together and make raspberry sounds. "Her voice can express a range of emotions -- happy, mad, irritated, protesting, eager and satisfied," says Bahr.

What to do: Narrate your activities as you go through the day with your baby ("Now I'm going to run the water for your bath," "Look at the pretty butterfly!") - pausing to let her babble back at you. Encourage her by mimicking the sounds she makes - and enjoy these first, memorable conversations!

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11 Important Baby Cues - Part 2

Smiling
The first true smile usually occurs between six and eight weeks, says Dr. Acredolo. "At this early age, smiles are likely a signal of physical contentment," she says. "My own baby's first smile, for instance, was triggered by the coziness of a warm towel after her bath." But soon, smiles become more controlled, and happen when your baby is around loved ones.

What to do: Encourage your baby by reacting positively to her first smiles; laugh and smile back at her, tell her how terrific she is -- even if she doesn't understand the words, she gets the message.

Copycat
We are blueprints for our babies. "Between three and six months, most infants will learn to imitate facial expressions -- fear, surprise, sadness," says Dr. Hill. By nine months, a baby will take in a new situation (i.e. the appearance of a stranger), then look back at her mother's face. "If the baby sees the parent is also distressed, then her anxiety will increase," says Dr. Hill. "Usually, the baby will start clinging or crying."

What to do: Remember that if you're feeling stressed, your baby will be too. If it's a minor case of anxiety, take some deep, cleansing breaths and consciously relax your facial muscles to ease tension. "In many cases, the act of smiling itself is likely to calm you down," says Dr. Hill. "Follow that with strong, smooth touch such as hugging or patting, to let your baby know everything is okay." (Of course, if you're reaching the point of anger or frustration, you should always hand your baby off to someone else. If you're alone, put him down in a safe place like his crib until you've calmed down.)

BODY TALK
Studies suggest that about 90 percent of communication by babies and adults is nonverbal, says speech-language pathologist Diane Bahr, author of Nobody Ever Told Me (or my Mother) That! "For instance, many babies make little fists when they're hungry and begin feeding," she says. "Once they are satisfied and full, their hands relax and open." Other common body language cues:

 Arching his back
Starting a few weeks after birth, babies begin arching their backs when they're in discomfort, says Michele Saysana, M.D., director of the Pediatric Hospitalist Program at Riley Hospital for Children at the Indiana University School of Medicine. "It might mean he has reflux, especially when the arched back is combined with crying," she says. "The baby will squirm around and move to try to get to a more comfortable position." Often babies arch their backs when they've had enough to eat and want to move away from the breast. (Around 4 or 5 months, this movement might mean something completely different -- that your baby is trying to roll over for the first time.)

What to do: Your baby probably just needs a change of position (after all, she can't move very much herself yet.) If she's in a carrier, car seat, or stroller, try taking her out for a few minutes; hold her upright against your shoulder or give her some wiggle time on the floor.

Rubbing eyes and/or ears
Babies will rub their eyes and ears with their hands when they are starting to tire. "Before 6 months, they rub their faces against something if they are tired or itchy," she says. "After that, they might discover an ear by accident, and take comfort in pulling or rubbing it. Ears are a sensitive part of the body, and babies like feeling them."

What to do: Start your bedtime or naptime routine as soon as baby begins rubbing his ears and face. One caveat: If your baby is rubbing his ears, has a temperature of over 101 degrees, and is fussy, he may have an ear infection and you should call your pediatrician, says Dr. Saysana.

Rooting
The rooting reflex is a key to survival, as it helps the baby find food. "A newborn will turn his head whenever something touches his cheek," says Dr. Saysana. "The reflex disappears after the first few weeks, although babies will still turn toward you to nurse -- it's not automatic anymore and becomes a cue they are hungry."

What to do: Use the rooting reflex to your advantage while your baby figures out feeding; a simple touch of the cheek will help him find the breast or bottle.

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11 Important Baby Cues

How moms can decode baby signals like smiling, copying mom and dad, eye rubbing, and crying, so they can respond to their babies and bond with them.

One of the most frustrating parts of being a new parent is feeling clueless about your baby's wants and needs. Does a soft, whimpering cry mean he's got a wet diaper -- or that he's getting hungry? What about a loud screech? And forget about crying for a moment -- what does it mean when your baby rubs her ears, or flails her arms around?

Babies communicate long before they say their first words, says Linda Acredolo, Ph.D., professor emeritus of psychology at University of California, Davis, and author of Baby Signs. "Babies are born with the ability to express several emotions, including distress and contentment," she says. When we read their cues and respond quickly to their needs, she adds, babies feel secure and the parent-child bond is strengthened. Of course, easier said than done -- not all babies send the exact same signals, and sometimes it takes months before you feel truly in tune with your baby. Still, some general principles apply. Read on for expert advice on how to decode three major types of baby cues.

Mtle frowns, wrinkled foreheads -- your baby's expressions can be fleeting and easy to miss, admits David Hill, M.D., adjunct assistant professor of pediatrics at University of North Carolina Medical School. "Compared to crying, facial expressions are certainly more subtle," he says. Watch closely, however, and you'll soon catch these familiar expressions:

Gaze aversion
A baby who turns his face away from you needs a break from eye contact. "From about two months on, babies disconnect if they're feeling overwhelmed or over stimulated," says Dr. Acredolo. "Sometimes, the baby will turn his head to the side almost stubbornly, or play with his fingers or toes, or even start crying -- anything to break contact with an adult."

What to do: New parents sometimes get overenthusiastic when interacting with baby, says Dr. Acredolo. "These parents will try moving into their baby's line of sight even if the infant has turned away, or they may keep talking, tickling or jostling to win back their baby's attention," she says. Respect your baby's need for down time, and wait patiently and quietly until he turns back to you. "Then, smile broadly and re-engage with your baby," she says.

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Separation Anxiety Age-by-Age - Part 2

The peak: toddlerdom
For some kids, separation anxiety vanishes before toddlerhood; for others, that's when it starts, peaking sometime between 12 and 24 months and bringing a more potent dose of distress. "This is when children develop a strong sense of attachment to the parent," says Barzvi. "You'll see tantrums or screaming or hysterical crying." (Worried your child's reaction is extreme? Visit Separation Anxiety in the Extreme for more info.) What's also at play now is their desire to have some control over their lives, says Abbot. They know by now that you're coming back, but they would prefer that you stick around. And because they also know that wailing will usually get a
reaction, they give it their best shot.

how to get through it:

develop a goodbye ritual  For example, whenever you have to leave your toddler at daycare, give her two kisses and a high five. "The ritual creates order around the departure for both parent and child," says Abbot. And that provides security.

give your child a small job  When Ilene Siringo's 23-month-old son, Luca, hit a particularly clingy phase, she started asking him to "shut the door for Mommy" when she left for work. This little responsibility made the transition a lot easier. "He likes to help, and he gets to have control of the door," says Siringo, an optometrist in New York City. This strategy can also work with kids who get anxious when you have to leave the room. For instance, if you need to get the laundry, give your child a sweater to "fold" until you get back.

provide an ETA  "A child this age doesn't understand 'three hours,' but you can say, 'I'll be back after snack time,' " Abbot advises. And do your best to return when promised. It's tempting to think he won't know the difference if you're significantly late, but at some point he will -- and you can't predict when. If you're heading out for a late night, tell him you'll see him in the morning.

remind your toddler that you always return  When Anna Zirker's twin boys were 2, she put her own twist on this trick: "When they'd say, 'Mommy, don't go,' I'd ask, 'What does Mommy do when she leaves?' and they'd say, 'Mommy comes back,' " says Zirker, of Bend, OR. Still works every time.

The relapse: preschool age

For parents, this may be the most exhausting form of separation anxiety. Just when you think your child's developed a little independence, the tantrums and tears come roaring back, usually thanks to a new stress such as a new sibling, going to school, an illness in the family, or moving to a different house. Fortunately, the anxiety relapse usually lasts only a few weeks, according to experts. "With a sibling, it's about attention," says Abbot. "They worry that they come second now, that their parents are going to forget about them." In the case of a new school, the child knows that Mommy will come back but may nonetheless feel unsafe or uncertain without her. "Suddenly the child is in an unfamiliar place and isn't sure whom to trust. Plus, he has to share the attention of the teacher with all these other kids," says Abbot. No wonder some of them get overwhelmed!

how to get through it:

let your child know it's okay to feel nervous  Catch yourself if you reflexively say, "Be a big boy." Instead, give your child a hug and say something like "I know that you're nervous. Let's think of another time you were scared but it was okay. Remember the first time in the pool?" You'll help show him that his feelings are normal -- and that he'll be able to handle them. "We're often so proud of an autonomous child that we don't fully appreciate that the stepping-stone toward that autonomy involves a decent amount of dependence," says K. Mark Sossin, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Pace University.

plan some extra one-on-one time  After Jennifer Lehr brought home her new baby, her 2½-year-old daughter, Jules, threw a fit whenever Lehr had to tend to little Hudson. So Lehr decided to make a point of giving Jules extra attention, especially when she'd fix her meals. "I'd slow down and let her be involved," says Lehr, who lives in Los Feliz, CA. "We'd make a smoothie, and Jules would drop in the fruit and pour in the milk and push the button." Experts say the additional one-on-one time makes the child feel confident in the parent's love and less threatened.

develop a predictable bedtime routine  This is a good idea in general, but it can be especially helpful when your child is going through a tough time. It helps show him that there is order in his world. You can even make a posterboard listing the exact times of nighttime tasks. For example: 6:00, dinner; 6:20, bath; 6:40, pajamas; 6:45, brush teeth; 6:50, storytime; 7:00, bedtime.

do your best not to cave in  A preschooler who is experiencing separation anxiety may also regress in other ways, such as asking for her pacifier back or insisting on sleeping with you. When you're exhausted or fed up, it's only natural to take the path of least resistance and ease up on the rules you've established. "But more than anything, a kid needs structure and routine," Barzvi says. "If you give her Binky back, it's going to make
it a lot harder to take it away again. Instead of altering the routine, give your child extra hugs and kisses. Plus, by maintaining the sameness, you're sending the message that there's nothing wrong." Of course, we all give in sometimes. So if you find yourself being more flexible than you planned, cut yourself slack and try again.

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Separation Anxiety Age-by-Age

Until they were 11 months old, my twin boys were so nonchalant whenever I'd leave the room that they seemed like a couple of teenagers. As I'd head off to work, the boys would glance my way, then resume chewing on their barnyard animals or playing with their babysitter. They seemed to be thinking, "Eh, catch you later, Mom -- whatever." I figured: Phew! We dodged all the separation anxiety drama that had stressed out so many of my friends. (Hey, maybe we'd get lucky and bypass the terrible twos, too!)

But then one morning, reality struck big-time. As I opened the door to leave, Ian, the small, scrappy one, began rolling around the floor, wailing as if stricken by food poisoning. Toby, his chubby, gentle brother, clung to my leg, bawling so hard he could barely breathe. I was heartbroken, and totally flummoxed. I had no clue why it was happening or what approach would be easiest on the boys.

"Separation anxiety can happen almost overnight, which makes it shocking to parents," says Sara Abbot, associate director of the Family Resource Counseling Center in Los Angeles. What's more, it's often not just a one-time, babyhood phase for many kids. The tears and fears related to being apart from Mom or Dad can resurface in the toddler and preschool years, posing new challenges for parents and warranting different
solutions. As disheartening as that may sound, it can be very helpful to remember that separation anxiety is completely normal, even healthy. "From the earliest years of life, we should want children to encounter ordinary adversity because it's practice for building resilience," says Aaron Cooper, Ph.D., coauthor of I Just Want My Kids to Be Happy! Why You Shouldn't Say It.... Fortunately, there's plenty you can do to minimize your child's angst, as well as your own, along the way.

the first strike: babyhood

Though the timing can vary from child to child, separation anxiety typically first hits around 8 months, when babies suddenly grasp that their parents exist apart from them, says Abbot. "Literally, it's like, boom! They understand you can leave." They don't, however, understand that you're coming back. This anxiety may last several weeks, or even a few months, until your child realizes that you're not, in fact, abandoning him for life -- you're just going to the bathroom.

how to get through it:

start early  By 6 months, introduce your baby to other regular caregivers, such as relatives or a babysitter. "Your child needs practice being away from you, hopefully well before preschool," says Alex Barzvi, Ph.D., clinical director of the New York University Child Study Center's Institute for Anxiety and Mood Disorders. "You want someone else to hold and talk to your kid a little differently." These experiences may minimize her anxiety later on when you're not around.

keep your goodbye short  A quick "Bye, James, see you this afternoon!" is ideal. "Prolonging the departure gives your child the idea that there's something to be afraid of," Barzvi says. But here's the really tough part: Try not to let the sobbing lure you back. Reappearing after you've left only gives your child incentive to cry harder and longer next time.

match your body language to your words  "Your child can sense your confidence as you walk out the door," Cooper says. Flash a smile, give a cheerful wave. You'll be faking it, of course, but she won't know that yet. She'll just know that you feel good about who she's with -- and she can, too.

avoid sneaking off  Parents often dash out the door when the child isn't looking, hoping -- understandably! -- that this will preempt a meltdown. "But that's tricking your child, and it can break your child's trust in you," Barzvi says. Instead, first ask your caregiver to redirect your child's attention right after you leave with a favorite toy, a game of peekaboo, or some new music (whatever), then say your quick goodbye.

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